Penitensya 2008: A Fulfillment

I've been doing this since i was a kid. my dad would carry me and we would wait in front of our chapel for the service jeepney or truck to arrive. but im not a kid anymore. this year, i joined the alay lakad to antipolo without my parents, (they're growing old too, you know :p), so i went with my sister instead. we had no plans of going, it just came to us all of a sudden.

Isay: tara nood na tayo senakulo.
Me: *pms anna in ym and turned the PC off.*
teka, Antipolo na lang tayo.
Isay: Eh wala na yung service, anung oras na kaya.
Me: Commute.
Isay: tara.

A shirt and a towel for each of us and we're off. it took us about 30 mins waiting for a jeep routing to antipolo and lucky enough that it was not full yet. we got stucked by the traffic caused by hundreds of people walking their way to antipolo, but still made it in time to the church.

i saw the cross, leaning the walls of our lady of peace school and eventually saw some friends waving their hands at me, welcoming me, for this year's "panata." we waited for other groups to arrive for an hour.and when they finally arrived, everyone was ready to leave.



kuya adjo was the first to give instructions of our exit. they lifted the cross and we lined up and held the rope tied in it. people around the church all gave a glance on us, and gave way for the cross, while others went their way to touch it. i started to feel the tension.

we managed to get through the pile of people. and the first person started to carry the cross. it was kudya adjo. the "Judas" group prepared their home-made rubber latigo. he then received the first "palo". we had our first stop at tikling. we rested for 10 mins, and i had the chance to ask kuya adjo, if i could carry the cross. he didnt answer.i thought he did not agree, but upon arriving at de castro st, he called me. "sa floodway ka."

i was surprised. i called my sister to carry my bag. i told her that im going to carry the cross. and she was stunned, too. "kaya mo?",she asked. and i answered her with a smile.

i walked behind the cross. i didnt know the guy who was carrying the cross then. but i was seeing my father, and my uncles. they used to carry that same cross. i was still a kid then. i did not know what the purpose of doing such things. the cross seems heavy, and a bunch of "bad guys" will hit your back and hands with that latigo.

and it was my turn. i was back to seeing the guy who is now checking his back that is almost swelling. i made a sign of the cross before finally lifting the cross. it was heavier than i thought. as soon as i started walking, they started to hit my back. but they were using a shirt instead of the latigo. still, every hit hurts. i was perspiring, and my arms and shoulders are starting to feel weak. i carried the cross across the bridge from life homes to its end. it was kindda stiff, and that made it more difficult to carry the cross. i vowed my head down while walking, and silently started to pray. this cross, how many shoulders have carried it? how many wishes and confessions have it granted and heard? dad used to carry it, i wonder what words had he whispered to this cross. did we have the same intentions in carrying it? or am i just continuing what he had started?


my praying was interrupted by a hit, this time, it was a latigo. it landed on my nape, which made me feel dizzy and made my breathing stop for a moment. i stopped walking, and pulled the rope to signal kuya adjo to stop. i saw my sister, i can tell that she was worried. i went to the other side of the cross to carry it again, this time using my left shoulders. i can now see the end of the bridge, so i started lifting the cross again. my back is still receiving a number of hits. and my sister started to beg them to stop. but i refused. it was part of the sacrifice, and i am willing to accept them.



we finally reached the bridge's end. but i know that my sacrifice wont end there. i promised myself that i will be doing this again for the next coming years. i know some of the readers would think that this is insane. i dont care.but miracles happen to those who believe.

during the last years of my alay lakad experience, eveytime i got home, all i know is that im tired, exhausted and hungry. but, after today's penitensya, i was tired, exhausted, hungry, and fulfilled. :)

In My Dreams She Resides

everyone wishes to have a good night sleep. may it be a good day or a tiring one, when one finally got his back laid to his bed, a wish of good night is always being whispered. but maybe not for me. you see, everytime i close my eyes at night, oftentimes my mind would resist, but my body is just to weak to not fall asleep. and the most miserable part of my day would just begin, right there while im sleeping.

she's always in my dreams. but this is not something i should be rejoicing of for it always bring me back to my past, but it never brought me back to her. it just keeps on breaking me, my heart, repeatedly. ever since our break up, there's not a single night (or even day) that she would leave my dream. but, we never really had a break up, did we? she just disappeared. she just started to ignore me, stopped texting and seeing me. just like that. yes, it ended just like that. but i still reserved that precious spot she took in my heart. since then, i was never whole again.

our reunion came, i knew it was a chance for me to finally talk with her. our break up, it was 5 years in the making, eh? yes, that night late last year, alast! she told me that it was over between us, that there is no more chance to be us again, that i should move on. oh, talk about moving on. i had 4 serious relationships after ours. but, they all lasted for just a year or so. and in the end, it was just me, and my dreams of her.

when will this stop? are these dreams a sign, but of what? a hidden message? ive been dreaming of her, but there was never an explanation on why it had to be this way. and it makes me wonder, if you're dreaming of me too, and if we are having the same dreams.


--Credits--
anna yay domo!

Magic's Pick of the Week: Beat It by FOB

The first time i heard the song "Sugar We're Going Down", i knew that whoever sang that really rocks. Fall Out Boys, one of the hottest band in the music scene today, apparently did a cover of Michael Jackson's Beat It. Taken from the album ****, the song features John Mayer on lead guitar.

While You Were Sleeping

yes, while everyone was sleeping, i was wide awake thinking of the past blog i had. luckily, (or unfortunately), i was able to dig my mind and yes, i was able to remember the url i used for that (blog).

Missin Amew

it is!

Katrina Bells

Half a month had passed and still, im wishing that xhan didnt have to resign from netopia. but i understand that she did not pass the nursing board exam to end up being a cashier forever to an internet shop. lol. maybe im still missing her since we became really close, not mentioning that we started in netopia together, from exams to interviews, to the first day of training, and surprisingly, we were even designated to work on the same branch.

there were no dull moments when we were together. i wouldnt even feel the toxicity of the day because she would joke around always. but the moments that i liked best was when she sleeps, resting her body and mind for 30 mins or so.





this is the only moment of silence we/she had. this is also the only moment i get to tell her how pretty she is, seriously, without predenting to choke and adding chenes to my statement. this is the only moment, i get to stare at her, as if it was me she was dreaming, and as if im daydreaming of her.

(right now i cant help but to have this tears in my eyes. yes, im missing her, this very moment im typing this entry).



-Xhan kissing douglas, my xmas gift for her. before going home for xmas eve.-

Her Smile Is My Happiness

"She smiled!"
"She smiled with her teeth, like this :D"

- i dont know but even without the saved text file/s from momo from our recent YM chat, I can never forget the way she described kimmieh's smile when i showed her the jack skellington bag, and a keychain to pair with it, via webcam. i was afraid kimmieh will be irritated or will have a negative reaction, so i felt really relieved when momo started to pm (IN ALL CAPS), that kimmieh was smiling. i was smiling back, but didnt show her that. im glad that eventhough she already has a jacksellington bag, she still like the one i bought for her, and appreciated it. Its been a while since i felt this excitement and happiness, and more glad that it was for someone worth it.


Note: Her doesnt only refer to kimmieh. lol.
Credits to Kuya OG. He'll be the one to send these stuffs to Baguio. Domo niisan.

Entrada

Its been a while since my last blogging experience. i kindda forget the feeling how it was. so here, im trying to refresh some old memories from my past blog while typing in for this entry.

anyways, thanks to momo for encouraging me to start one again, then anna, who second-the motion, for replying at my YM status.

my last blog was also hosted here, i remember reading her blog and decided to make one when she left for the states 2 years ago. yes, that's how long its been. the blog was about my every-RO-day that i spent without her. posting the screenies of my then monk and blacksmith. the character WE created. now all of these are merely memories that i treasure. no, sometimes i want to forget everything for remembering everything inflicts pain, pain that until now i dont know how to cure. nor will i ever find a cure.

so there. the entrada was about the past blog. but as they say, life goes on.

welcome to the new (and improved i hope) blog of mine. :)