~ Sokutatsu ~

When Im Gone

2010-11-05T00:42:00.000-07:00

I know one day, it will come a time that everyone will be viewing my blog, my profile, it be from FB, FS, twitter or what have you. They'd be curious of what I had to say, how I felt, who I was with, and what made me happy. And when that time comes, please forgive me if I ever made a post that caused harm to anyone, and thank you to those who made me feel the urge of posting because of too much happiness. I am not a good writer, (i thought i was) I often just blog about shit. But I know that one day, this page you're viewing will be part of your history, because I was once a part of you.

Thank you, everyone. I am not committing suicide or what not, its just that, I want to be prepared. I want to make sure that I blogged about something that everyone could relate, and could remember.

Exhausted

2010-11-05T00:26:00.001-07:00

For the benefit of those who doesnt know, I'm currently a video editor/call center agent. I know not everyone can do part-time while having a full-time job, so I must say that I am proud that I'm able to make it each and every time that I need to travel from QC, to Ayala, go home in Mandaluyong and back to QC. As of writing,I am required to attend 8 hours of training, which make it really difficult for me to edit since it would turn like im doing the editing as part time. I have to spend my weekends at the office to continue editing but unfortunately still its not enough and its getting harder each day, plus the fact that I'm not in good terms with one of my colleague.

Well anyway, I've been doing it for a month now, I can feel the pressure, Im stressed out, yet I can not feel and see the fruit of my hard work, I dont know why shit has to happen for every project that I get. It now make me think that maybe, editing is not for me. Yes, this is what I ever wanted. I always dreamed of it, but now that I'm here, it makes me think twice. Sometimes getting what you want is not the answer, because not everything that we want is not always what we really needed, and is just not meant for us.

Queen's 1st bday

2010-09-06T06:37:00.000-07:00

Behind the Imperfections

2010-08-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

For the Nth time in almost two years, I cried in front of my girlfriend, and leaned on her shoulders while telling her my frustrations. The sight was not strange. She has been my best friend and a very good listener, and in times like these, she was there to tap my back, hug me and made sure that I'd feel a lot better afterward.

I know that life could never be perfect. But above that are people that can stay behind you to push you and let you know that failures are part of life, and that you are not alone to fix and improve things.

Thank you love, for being the perfect person to share everything with.

My Profs a SUxxorss

2009-02-24T10:21:00.000-08:00

Badtrip talaga. Iisang subject lang ako pag wed, gigising ka para dyan, tapos wala namang prof na darating. Asar. Tapos 85 lang magiging grade mo. Kahit kumpleto ka sa lahat at alam mong ginawa mo ang makakaya mo. Tapos kapag dumating sya ng late, uunahin pa nyang mag PC at magnet habang kami hahayaan nya sa kung anong ginagawa namin.

At kapag 2 hours naman kami (monday), daig ko pa ang nasa dota/NBA/PBA class. Instead of guiding us with our activity, ibibida nya ang bagong hero sa Dota, ang napanood nyang laban sa PBA/NBA, ang bagong release na episode ng naruto manga, at kung ano-ano pa na sya pa ang pinaka maingay sa min.

Sinong matutuwa sa kanya? e di yung mga malalakas makipagkwentuhan sa kanya.

Rin on the Rox Youtube Account Suspended

2009-02-19T16:48:00.000-08:00

Yeah. It's such a shame that I just learned about them yesterday, and when I tried searching them on youtube, their account is suspended. =( I want to see their version of Better in Time and I hope they could re-upload it. Still lucky that I have seen their guest appearace at Ellen Degeneres Show. *hooray!*

Anyways, I loved their version of Shantelle's Tshirt. Here is a link for the vid.

More of Rin on the Rox.

By the way, I feel bad that youtube had to suspend them. (affected?!) Anyhow, I wish they'd be considerate enough to bring their account back. yah yah that would be awesome.

Sa Wakas!!

2009-02-05T16:20:00.000-08:00

I was freaking out last night when suddenly my PC at home did not recognize my external hard drive (EHD) because I was experimenting with partition magic. I have been dying to partition my EHD, unfortunately, I have already stored about 30GB of files, all which are soooo important that losing them would be a disaster to me. I thought that the only way I could partition it was by backing up all my files, reformat the drive, and install new partitions. And that procedure is just way too long and a big hassle.

So I did some searching, asked few people, and have decided to take it a shot with partition magic. The first few installers I have downloaded were all the trial versions. They restricted me from resizing and moving my current partition which added to the pressure. So when I have finally downloaded a full version, I thought it would be the end of it.

I got frustrated coz it keeps on giving an error. "Too many errors" it said. I tried to run a chekdisk, just as the troubleshooting guide recommends, but I was surprised that my PC wont detect my EHD. It was already 3am then and my eyes were already complaining. When I finally thought of giving a last try after rebooting, my PC crashed. ~_~

Then just this morning, I skipped out on 2 of my midterm exams and decided to continue at work. I felt relieved when my EHD was detected by the PC I used here at work. So I installed the full version of partition magic and resumed with the partitioning and finally succeeded.

Finally now I wont have to worry with my EHD files. =D

_____________________________

Before partitioning my EHD drive, I also had some time last night to finally add themes and customize my uber messy desktop. I just wish I could revive my PC later this night when I get home so I can take a screenshot. (sigh)

Its A God Given Promise

2009-01-20T21:56:00.000-08:00

"All are equal. All are free. And all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

-Barack Obama

Loved it. Well said. I dont care if his lines for his inauguration speech were "borrowed." I loved how he delivered them. :p

Obama's full speech

The Old Moon in the Young Moon's Arms

2008-11-30T22:44:00.000-08:00

Source: Yahoo! News

Nung hinatid ko si Da sa labas pauwi, we were amazed by the two "stars" near the moon. Binibiro pa nya ko na may nagtatanan daw kapag ganun. LOL. Hindi pala stars yun. It was Venus and Jupiter.

Every once in a while, something will appear in the night sky that will attract the attention of even those who normally don't bother looking up. It's likely to be that way on Monday evening, Dec. 1.

A slender crescent moon, just 15-percent illuminated, will appear in very close proximity to the two brightest planets in our sky, Venus and Jupiter.

People who are unaware or have no advance notice will almost certainly wonder, as they cast a casual glance toward the moon on that night, what those two "large silvery stars" happen to be? Sometimes, such an occasion brings with it a sudden spike of phone calls to local planetariums, weather offices and even police precincts. Not a few of these calls excitedly inquire about "the UFOs" that are hovering in the vicinity of our natural satellite.

Very bright objects

Venus has adorned the southwestern twilight sky since late August. No other star or planet can come close to matching Venus in brilliance. During World War II, aircraft spotters sometimes mistook Venus for an enemy airplane. There were even cases in which Venus drew antiaircraft fire.

This winter, Venus is the unrivaled evening star that will soar from excellent to magnificent prominence in the southwest at nightfall. The interval by which it follows the Sun will increase from nearly three hours on Dec. 1 to almost four hours by Jan. 1. It's probably the first "star" you'll see coming out after sunset. In fact, if the air is very clear and the sky a good, deep blue, try looking for Venus shortly before sunset.

Jupiter starts December just above Venus and is moving in the opposite direction, dropping progressively lower each evening. By month's end Jupiter meets up with another planet – Mercury – but by then Jupiter is also descending deep into the glow of sunset. In January, Jupiter will be too close to the Sun to see; it's in conjunction with the Sun on Jan. 24.

Earthlit ball

A very close conjunction of the crescent moon and a bright star or planet can be an awe-inspiring naked-eye spectacle. The English poet, critic and philosopher, Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834) used just such a celestial sight as an ominous portent in his epic, "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner." In addition, there are juxtaposed crescent moon and star symbols that have appeared on the flags of many nations, including Turkey, Pakistan, Malaysia, Algeria, Mauritania, and Tunisia.

Also on Monday evening, you may be able to see the full globe of the moon, its darkened portion glowing with a bluish-gray hue interposed between the sunlit crescent and not much darker sky. This vision is sometimes called "the old moon in the young moon's arms." Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) was the first to recognize it as what we now call "earthshine."

As seen from the moon, the Earth would loom in the sky some 3.7 times larger than the moon does for us. In addition, the land masses, the oceans and clouds make the Earth a far better reflector of sunlight as compared to the moon. In fact, the Earth's reflectivity varies as clouds, which appear far more brilliant than the land and seas, cover greater or lesser parts of the visible hemisphere. The result is that the Earth shines between 45 and 100 times more brightly than the moon.

The Earth also goes through phases, just as the moon does for us, although they are opposite from what we see from Earth. The term for this is called "complementary phases." On Nov. 27, for example, there was a new moon for us, but as seen from the surface of the moon that day, there appeared in the lunar sky a brilliant full Earth. A few nights later, as the sliver of a crescent moon begins to appear in our western twilight sky, its entire globe may be glimpsed.

Sunlight is responsible for the slender crescent, yet the remainder of the moon appears to shine with a dim blush-gray tone. That part is not receiving sunlight, but shines by virtue of reflected earthlight: the nearly full Earth illuminating the otherwise dark lunar landscape. So earthshine is really sunlight which is reflected off Earth to the moon and then reflected back to Earth.

Keeping it all in perspective

Keep in mind that this head-turning display of three celestial objects crowded together will be merely an illusion of perspective: the moon will be only about 251,400 miles (403,900 km) from Earth, while Venus is nearly 371 times farther away, at 93.2 million miles (149.67 million km). Meanwhile, Jupiter is almost 2,150 times farther away than our natural satellite at 540.3 million miles (869.0 million km).

Those using binoculars or a small telescope will certainly enjoy the almost three-dimensional aspect of the moon, but Venus will be rather disappointing appearing only as a brilliant blob of light, for right now, it's a small, featureless gibbous disk. That will change in the coming weeks, however, as Venus approaches Earth and the angle it makes between us and the Sun allows it to evolve into a "half-moon" phase in mid January, and a lovely crescent phase of its own during the latter part of February and March.

Jupiter on the other hand is a far more pleasing sight with its relatively large disk, cloud bands and its retinue of bright Galilean satellites. All four will be in view on Monday evening, with Callisto sitting alone on one side of Jupiter, Ganymede, Io and Europa will be on the other side. Io and Europa will in fact, appear very close to each other, separated by only about one-sixth the apparent width of Jupiter.

Venus 'eclipse' for Europe

As beautiful as the view of Venus, Jupiter and the moon will be from North America, an even more spectacular sight awaits those living in parts of Western Europe where the moon will pass in front of Venus.

Astronomers refer to this phenomenon as an "occultation," taken from the Latin word occultāre, which means "to conceal." This eye-catching sight will be visible in complete darkness across much of Eastern Europe. Farther west, Venus will disappear behind the dark part of the moon either during evening twilight or just before the Sun sets. When Venus emerges, it will look like a brightening jewel on the slender lunar crescent. For virtually all of Europe, the Sun will have set by then, the exception being southern Portugal (including Lisbon).

Such favorable circumstances are quite rare for any given location. For example, the last time London was treated to such a favorably placed Venus occultation such was back on October 7, 1961. And after 2008, there will not be another similarly favorable Venus occultation for the United Kingdom until January 10, 2032. So be sure to make the most of this upcoming opportunity. More detailed information, including maps of the occultation zone, as well as times for dozens of European cities, are here.

Joe Rao serves as an instructor and guest lecturer at New York's Hayden Planetarium. He writes about astronomy for The New York Times and other publications, and he is also an on-camera meteorologist for News 12 Westchester, New York.

Finally Switched to Globe

2008-11-29T14:00:00.000-08:00

Sabi nga ni dea: "sa wakas!"

Nakaglobe na rin ako. 0915-7941916 is my new number.

Circle of friendships, paki text na lang ako so I can get your digits, ok?

Thanks!

Analogy

2008-08-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

People have things to accept, to let go, and to keep.
I have us, him, and her.

What is worst for me?

2008-08-15T03:34:00.000-07:00

To not be loved by the girl I admire is bearable.
But to be fooled by a guy confessing his love for me, that's the worst.

Mothers Know Best

2008-08-06T19:19:00.001-07:00

During the darkest times that I lock myself up in my room, my mom would always knock on my door, and if she doesn't hear a response from me, she'd come in, and would sit on my side. No words. She'll just stay. Maybe to let me know that I'm not alone. I hugged her and she started asking, "lovelife?" I nodded, but didn't go into details. I didn't notice that I was already asleep.

When I woke up the next morning, a complete breakfast was already waiting for me in the table. I smiled upon seeing my toasted bread filled with tuna spreads and a hot coffee. There were also two breads wrapped separately, i knew they were my baon. I smiled.

Moms know best, really. And my mom, knows me best.

The Ring

2008-07-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

No it's not that Sadako movie. It's the birthday gift from Xhan. I won't make this post long. This picture can replace every words i would want to post.

XD

Single

2008-06-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

A year since my last relationship and Im still single. but being single is not synonymous to not being in love. In fact, I am. And I am being loved. So much love that I do not need someone to complete me.

---

I'd rather be single. Yes. Than make someone's life miserable.

---

A friend asked me once:

Friend : Bakit ba ayaw mo?
Me : Di ko nga kaya.
Friend : Ang alin?
Me : Lahat. Nag aaral ako, nagtatrabaho, naglalaro. San ko pa isisingit yun? Sasaktan ko lang yun. Masasaktan lang ako pag may nasaktan ako. Paghihintayin ko lang sya. Tutulugan ko lang sya. Sasama lang loob nya. Kaya wag na lang.
Friend : /swt

Tagging

2008-06-01T22:56:00.000-07:00

I was viewing Momo's blog and was surprised to see my blog link posted there. She has tagged me. Tagging is, IMO, the friendster bulletin counterpart of blogger. You copy what's been posted and edit them with your own answers.

But I dont have any other people to tag to. T___T

No Skinny Me

2008-06-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

I envy momo and anna for having such nicey cutey skins for their blog. I dont know why i dont seem to be interested with customizing mine. I have tried changing them though, but became too lazy adding other stuffs like a chatbox. Or maybe im afraid to not see anyone post there, since i dont really have visitors here, unlike them (anna has 600+ clicks on her counter).

So there, i chose the black template, and will leave it that way.
Enjoy, as much as I am enjoying the simplicity of my page.

Reminiscing: 2 Years Ago

2008-05-28T01:20:00.000-07:00

I browsed my friendster messages and glad to see my PMs from niks. it reminded me how we started, and how i made her give me her sweetest yes.

Luck in Hack

it was my early days in pRO and my account information wasnt a big deal for me. i always thought that no one would attempt to hack a no-godly items,no-rich account such as mine. but one day this belief was crushed when my first account got hacked. it was the saddest day of my pRO life, i thought. but then there is always a two sides of coin.

i leaned on my merchant to gain zenies again. i got the vending skills and began vending items cheaper than the tool dealer NPC in prontera. it was my only hope. or was it my destiny?

one night while waiting for my items to be sold out, a blacksmith bought all the awakening pots in my shop. i sent her a private message thanking her for buying. and my luck started there.

since then i would always pm her to check if she's online. we started talking about life and began to build a nice bond. she gave me equips and helped me level up, partying with her priestess. we would go together if there are in game quests and events. she was with me during my skill quests as a merchant, and even during my job change test, she served as my coach. but it didnt stop there. she taught me how to forge. she gave me tips on how to earn, how to level up easily and brought me to places ive never been to. then i knew, not every pRO player is as lucky as i am to have had someone like my amew..

but those arent really the reasons why i felt lucky that night. it was such a blessing to have met a simple lady, but a no-ordinary pRO player. she's so kind- hearted; she'd go to GH for a free "magni party" joined by acolytes and archers, she always have a free baps,warp, and even equips and zennies for anyone in need. and as months and days passed by, i began to love everything i know about her.

yet of course every story has its confilct. i have learned about her being ill. she was sick to death and needed to leave for her operation. i felt like my world would collide as we speak that night. we were not sure on how long the process would take, but there's only one thing i was sure of that time: that i would wait for her to come back home and eventually continue the life we have in pRO.

months passed and i have not seen her online. every night i would pray for her fast recovery and wish to be with her again soon. and the good Lord heard my prayers. just recently i received the good news that she surpassed her operation and just need some time for her full recovery. she has finally given me her sweet yes and now im just waiting for my bride.by the time,we could start a new life,but as a family now.

The Sweetest Words

2008-05-28T01:13:00.000-07:00

From Nikki. 6/29/06

This was her response to my winning RO essay, my entry for the June '06 pRO wedding event.

Thank you!!!

I know a lot of people have done things for me,
great and small, and profess undying love and
devotion, but often they're always shy about
sharing them to the world. Maybe they don't want
to be tagged as corny or sappy, but what they don't
know is that it would have meant a lot to me. And
you did it, amew. I know it was a month ago and
you're feelings might have already changed, but I
care not. What's important to me is that, at that
moment you wrote it, you wrote it with me in mind.
And that i have affected and been a part of your life
someway, somehow...and for a short time i have
been important to you above all else. And you're
not afraid to say it then and share it to the world.

Thank you, amew!

I've always known that you're good at the things
that you think of doing. But there's one more thing
that you're good at. You've always been good at
making me smile, making me laugh...making me
happy. Considering that I haven't even met you,
that's a great feat. And it makes me think that,
there's still hope for the world, with people like you
around.

Thank you, amew!

I do love you, amew. And I love the things you do,
this most of all. I say this seldom to people
because, I don't want them to be constrained to be
attached to me. That is never my intention, and
that is not my intention now. I just love you. With
no fringes, no conditions and no attachments. And
never ever think, that you owe it to me to love me
back, because that's not the way i love. As i said to
someone before, what i'm offering is beyond break
ups and heartaches. Whether you treat me as a
sister, a friend or just someone you know, it
matters not.

I love you, amew!

That being said, if you have somebody else in mind
to enjoy with you the prize in this event. Feel free
to tell me, I would still love you. Anyway, you
should have somebody else, you should enjoy it
with somebody who can be with you and enjoy the
perks of the game with you. For i don't know, when
and how long i can. But if for some reason, you still
want one of my chars, then you can have the
choice of any of them, amew. You've proven
yourself, and you deserve it. In fact, you deserve a
lot more...a testi?! nyahahahahah

Great Thanks and Much Love and a Million Kisses

Today is your day, have fun!

Baka naman magkasakit ka ulit nyan...in
moderation lang muna...

tc u (bayad na utang ko ha, one million yan)

Life Beyond RO

2008-04-22T17:17:00.000-07:00

Title Credits: GoBF

My everyday schedule has been like that of a robot since i had my first professional job (naks pro!). I'd wake up between 8-10 in the morning (depends on my shift) to go to work, 8 - 10 (with overtime) hours after, will directly go home, eat dinner, turn on my PC, and play RO til i feel so sleepy, go to sleep and the cycle begins again.

Last night was different though. I was able to change the routine. After going home from work, some friends fetched me at home to ask me to watch the night's basketball game. I did not know that the annual basketball league had already started. I felt kindda excited cause i will be able to see some cuties (from the audience of course!) again, so i hurriedly finished my food and joined my friends.

We really did enjoy watching the game while having some "kulitan" and cheering for the team we're in favor of. The tension was there during the final quarter, and everyone from the crowd had started to get up on their seat, cheers up louder, and shouts for every good move shown by the players. In the end, our favorite team won (they were the same team from last year's league), yet the night did not end there.

After congratulating the players, I waved my hands on my friends to call it a night. Just then, Camille started to tease me, "pa- berger (burger) ka naman!" We all laughed and i just realized that everyone else was clapping their hands, cheering loud "berger! berger!." I became idle for a moment, the thought that i will be partying with Pat that night came rushing in. But then, i didn't wanna sound like a KJ (kill joy) so i said, "uuwi muna ko." Camille then gave me a sad look, as if wanting me to feel guilty, so i continued, "kukuha lang ako ng pera." And they all smiled and jumped, just like what a kid would do when you give him his favorite candy.

McDonald's is just a 5-min-walk away from the condominium we're all residing. Everyone was still hyper, running and chasing in the road. It was a fun sight. My night has been spent always in front of my monitor, stressing myself to level my character up, all i can see were 2D graphics, ym windows, internet browsers, everything virtual. This.

It was a different scene to me. It felt like i was on a different dimension. I used to go out like this during high school, and my early days of college. But since I started working, since i started being a gamer,since i became a volunteer, i became a slave of my computer habits.I always find it hard to resist to the temptation of using the computer, but this happiness is something irresistible, too.

Last night felt different, but it sure felt good.

Selfish

2008-04-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people disregard you, your situation, your feelings, just to let their selfish interests be granted.

~_~

so disappointed. i never thought id feel this way towards you guys. of all people.

Penitensya 2008: A Fulfillment

2008-03-21T05:26:00.000-07:00

I've been doing this since i was a kid. my dad would carry me and we would wait in front of our chapel for the service jeepney or truck to arrive. but im not a kid anymore. this year, i joined the alay lakad to antipolo without my parents, (they're growing old too, you know :p), so i went with my sister instead. we had no plans of going, it just came to us all of a sudden.

Isay: tara nood na tayo senakulo.
Me: *pms anna in ym and turned the PC off.*
teka, Antipolo na lang tayo.
Isay: Eh wala na yung service, anung oras na kaya.
Me: Commute.
Isay: tara.

A shirt and a towel for each of us and we're off. it took us about 30 mins waiting for a jeep routing to antipolo and lucky enough that it was not full yet. we got stucked by the traffic caused by hundreds of people walking their way to antipolo, but still made it in time to the church.

i saw the cross, leaning the walls of our lady of peace school and eventually saw some friends waving their hands at me, welcoming me, for this year's "panata." we waited for other groups to arrive for an hour.and when they finally arrived, everyone was ready to leave.

kuya adjo was the first to give instructions of our exit. they lifted the cross and we lined up and held the rope tied in it. people around the church all gave a glance on us, and gave way for the cross, while others went their way to touch it. i started to feel the tension.

we managed to get through the pile of people. and the first person started to carry the cross. it was kudya adjo. the "Judas" group prepared their home-made rubber latigo. he then received the first "palo". we had our first stop at tikling. we rested for 10 mins, and i had the chance to ask kuya adjo, if i could carry the cross. he didnt answer.i thought he did not agree, but upon arriving at de castro st, he called me. "sa floodway ka."

i was surprised. i called my sister to carry my bag. i told her that im going to carry the cross. and she was stunned, too. "kaya mo?",she asked. and i answered her with a smile.

i walked behind the cross. i didnt know the guy who was carrying the cross then. but i was seeing my father, and my uncles. they used to carry that same cross. i was still a kid then. i did not know what the purpose of doing such things. the cross seems heavy, and a bunch of "bad guys" will hit your back and hands with that latigo.

and it was my turn. i was back to seeing the guy who is now checking his back that is almost swelling. i made a sign of the cross before finally lifting the cross. it was heavier than i thought. as soon as i started walking, they started to hit my back. but they were using a shirt instead of the latigo. still, every hit hurts. i was perspiring, and my arms and shoulders are starting to feel weak. i carried the cross across the bridge from life homes to its end. it was kindda stiff, and that made it more difficult to carry the cross. i vowed my head down while walking, and silently started to pray. this cross, how many shoulders have carried it? how many wishes and confessions have it granted and heard? dad used to carry it, i wonder what words had he whispered to this cross. did we have the same intentions in carrying it? or am i just continuing what he had started?

my praying was interrupted by a hit, this time, it was a latigo. it landed on my nape, which made me feel dizzy and made my breathing stop for a moment. i stopped walking, and pulled the rope to signal kuya adjo to stop. i saw my sister, i can tell that she was worried. i went to the other side of the cross to carry it again, this time using my left shoulders. i can now see the end of the bridge, so i started lifting the cross again. my back is still receiving a number of hits. and my sister started to beg them to stop. but i refused. it was part of the sacrifice, and i am willing to accept them.

we finally reached the bridge's end. but i know that my sacrifice wont end there. i promised myself that i will be doing this again for the next coming years. i know some of the readers would think that this is insane. i dont care.but miracles happen to those who believe.

during the last years of my alay lakad experience, eveytime i got home, all i know is that im tired, exhausted and hungry. but, after today's penitensya, i was tired, exhausted, hungry, and fulfilled. :)

In My Dreams She Resides

2008-03-20T02:23:00.000-07:00

everyone wishes to have a good night sleep. may it be a good day or a tiring one, when one finally got his back laid to his bed, a wish of good night is always being whispered. but maybe not for me. you see, everytime i close my eyes at night, oftentimes my mind would resist, but my body is just to weak to not fall asleep. and the most miserable part of my day would just begin, right there while im sleeping.

she's always in my dreams. but this is not something i should be rejoicing of for it always bring me back to my past, but it never brought me back to her. it just keeps on breaking me, my heart, repeatedly. ever since our break up, there's not a single night (or even day) that she would leave my dream. but, we never really had a break up, did we? she just disappeared. she just started to ignore me, stopped texting and seeing me. just like that. yes, it ended just like that. but i still reserved that precious spot she took in my heart. since then, i was never whole again.

our reunion came, i knew it was a chance for me to finally talk with her. our break up, it was 5 years in the making, eh? yes, that night late last year, alast! she told me that it was over between us, that there is no more chance to be us again, that i should move on. oh, talk about moving on. i had 4 serious relationships after ours. but, they all lasted for just a year or so. and in the end, it was just me, and my dreams of her.

when will this stop? are these dreams a sign, but of what? a hidden message? ive been dreaming of her, but there was never an explanation on why it had to be this way. and it makes me wonder, if you're dreaming of me too, and if we are having the same dreams.

--Credits--
anna yay domo!

Magic's Pick of the Week: Beat It by FOB

2008-03-11T02:55:00.000-07:00

The first time i heard the song "Sugar We're Going Down", i knew that whoever sang that really rocks. Fall Out Boys, one of the hottest band in the music scene today, apparently did a cover of Michael Jackson's Beat It. Taken from the album ****, the song features John Mayer on lead guitar.

While You Were Sleeping

2008-03-06T19:37:00.000-08:00

yes, while everyone was sleeping, i was wide awake thinking of the past blog i had. luckily, (or unfortunately), i was able to dig my mind and yes, i was able to remember the url i used for that (blog).

Missin Amew

it is!

Katrina Bells

2008-03-06T07:52:00.001-08:00

Half a month had passed and still, im wishing that xhan didnt have to resign from netopia. but i understand that she did not pass the nursing board exam to end up being a cashier forever to an internet shop. lol. maybe im still missing her since we became really close, not mentioning that we started in netopia together, from exams to interviews, to the first day of training, and surprisingly, we were even designated to work on the same branch.

there were no dull moments when we were together. i wouldnt even feel the toxicity of the day because she would joke around always. but the moments that i liked best was when she sleeps, resting her body and mind for 30 mins or so.

this is the only moment of silence we/she had. this is also the only moment i get to tell her how pretty she is, seriously, without predenting to choke and adding chenes to my statement. this is the only moment, i get to stare at her, as if it was me she was dreaming, and as if im daydreaming of her.

(right now i cant help but to have this tears in my eyes. yes, im missing her, this very moment im typing this entry).

-Xhan kissing douglas, my xmas gift for her. before going home for xmas eve.-

Her Smile Is My Happiness

2008-03-06T07:33:00.002-08:00

"She smiled!"
"She smiled with her teeth, like this :D"

- i dont know but even without the saved text file/s from momo from our recent YM chat, I can never forget the way she described kimmieh's smile when i showed her the jack skellington bag, and a keychain to pair with it, via webcam. i was afraid kimmieh will be irritated or will have a negative reaction, so i felt really relieved when momo started to pm (IN ALL CAPS), that kimmieh was smiling. i was smiling back, but didnt show her that. im glad that eventhough she already has a jacksellington bag, she still like the one i bought for her, and appreciated it. Its been a while since i felt this excitement and happiness, and more glad that it was for someone worth it.

Note: Her doesnt only refer to kimmieh. lol.
Credits to Kuya OG. He'll be the one to send these stuffs to Baguio. Domo niisan.

Entrada

2008-03-06T06:12:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since my last blogging experience. i kindda forget the feeling how it was. so here, im trying to refresh some old memories from my past blog while typing in for this entry.

anyways, thanks to momo for encouraging me to start one again, then anna, who second-the motion, for replying at my YM status.

my last blog was also hosted here, i remember reading her blog and decided to make one when she left for the states 2 years ago. yes, that's how long its been. the blog was about my every-RO-day that i spent without her. posting the screenies of my then monk and blacksmith. the character WE created. now all of these are merely memories that i treasure. no, sometimes i want to forget everything for remembering everything inflicts pain, pain that until now i dont know how to cure. nor will i ever find a cure.

so there. the entrada was about the past blog. but as they say, life goes on.

welcome to the new (and improved i hope) blog of mine. :)